but the real story unfolded the next show … high pitch mike was taking the test to determine if he was gay or not. they’ve been busting his balls for years about it, and he has always denied it … typical east coast working class ball breaking. so mike takes the test and fails the gay questions. “he was not being truthful,” as ed would say. but no one really said too much about it at the time (howard failed one once and swears he was telling the truth); they just kind of went with the bit, had a laugh, no big thing.

or so it seemed.

fast-forward to the next show … high pitch mike comes in and, in a pretty compelling moment of emotional intimacy, reveals that he really is gay, and that he’s been afraid to tell his mom about it for years because she had one time told him (in junior high, or something) that if he was gay she’d disown him. guy’s in his 30s. anyway, he unfolded this intense story about when he recently came out to her on the phone and she almost failed to accept it. there was a long silence, he almost hung up, and she finally broke. told him she wanted him to be happy. told him she loved him. told him all the things a mom is supposed to say to her son. it was really a heavy, beautiful moment. not consciously sentimental, not melodramatic, not condescending. just a real fucking human moment.

this shit ain’t oprah.

the best part was, they continued to break his balls. howard, in the midst of this emotional recollection from mike, says, ‘great, so hurry up and finish this story, cause i want to ask you about taking it in the ass.’ a valid line of questioning, no? that’s why he’s the king.

anyway, mike finally feels free. so here’s to mike. and here’s to the great ed torian, changing lives for the better every day.

hey ed, ‘have you ever done it with a colored guy?’