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another week, another interesting visit to teddy’s. this one was wild right out the gate.

with a few extra lsu students and teddy’s virgins in tow, i walked into a jam that was lacking a drummer, and was on stage before i got my coat off and before i got a beer. by the end of the first song (still hadn’t sipped a beer) a young woman – cute, shapely, completely fucked up – was an stage showing her tits to the audience. alright, that’s pretty standard fare. she, however, kicked it up a notch as emeril would say, and turned her tits toward the band in a most creative manner i.e. hitting my ride cymbal with her tits, rubbing them on the strings of the bass guitar, etc. she ended by sitting on my lap (i’m still trying to play) while pushing a nipple towards my mouth. keep in mind i was completely sober, so i was in control of my faculties, and imagined some guy was with her, hiding in the dark corners of teddy’s, waiting to put a bullet in my head as soon as i touched his ole lady. so i contained myself. she didn’t, and teddy eventually had to throw her off the stage. not because he was opposed to her nudity, oh no. but rather because he didn’t want anybody ‘fucking up my equipment. this shit costs a lot of money. if somebody breaks it, i got to pay for it.’ go get it teddy.

i got home that night and realized i had left my jacket at the bar. so the next afternoon i’m out at teddy’s in the day time picking up my jacket. the place wasn’t open yet at 2 pm. different vibe during the day … just a bunch of old houses in the middle of nowhere. the bartender took me into the back door of the bar into what appeared to be a small apartment. the bedroom had a coat rack on the wall, and the bartender picked my coat out of all the ones that were there without asking me which one was mine. we bull shitted in the parking lot a bit before i left. wednesday falls on the day before t-giving next week, and hooch and sarah will be here. can’t wait.

a slightly less filthy story, yet still funny to me, involves a quick stop at calandro’s. calandro’s is the oldest grocery store in baton rouge. nice little place. older clientele. friendly. so i’m standing behind two old birds waiting to grab a half gallon of milk when one of the ladies turns to me, on sight, and says, “ooh, look at you good looking, gimme a hug, get over here.” 82 years old. complete stranger. big hug. proceeds to talk about how nice my teeth look and how smart and handsome i am. hugged me three or four times before we finished up. that was a new one. i’ve never been grabbed out of the milk isle and hugged several times before. i loved it.

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