if you ever get a bad, bad case of poison ivy, try this:
1. take a hot fucking shower. so hot you can barely stand it. the poison ivy will burn, itch, go crazy for about 15 seconds. it’s one of those things that hurts so good it’s almost euphoric. in fact, there’s a part of me that will miss that feeling when all of this is over. the silver lining in the itchy cloud.
2. dry off.
3. take an ice cube and rub it over all the spots. i think this might be tapping in to that ayurvedic hot/cold thing that they prescribe for a lot of stuff. i don’t really know what i’m talking about, but stay with me!
4. rubbing alcohol. hooch suggested witch hazel. i think that would be better, but when i left to get witch hazel i got caught in a mini-hurricane (more on that in a sec …). apply either/or liberally.
5. when dry, bust out the calamine lotion. i recommend a bottle that isn’t ten years expired. when i got a new bottle, this technique worked much, much better. go figure.
6. you’ll be good for a few hours. maybe four if you’re lucky. then, all of a sudden, you’ll itch all over again. repeat from step one and curse your fate. stay nude all day to save time.
the fucking carpenter and his nigger hating wife stood me up this morning. i’m up at 6:30 showering for the last time for awhile, clearing out my closet, clearing out the bathroom, etc. i had a meeting at 9 on campus, and this guy says he’ll be here at 7:30. at 8 i call him. no answer. ole girl calls me back a few minutes later and explains they ‘don’t have the right tub in baton rouge, so we’re calling the lowe’s in appaloosa.’ great. you know you’re in trouble when you’re looking for answers at the lowe’s in appaloosa. they said they’d call if they found one. they didn’t. called at 9pm tonight. no answer. fucking hillbillies. i’ll give them till tomorrow, and then i’m calling the good dr. who’s my landlord and calmly offering him some suggestions about the situation.
it rained as hard as i have ever seen today.
all hell broke loose for about thirty minutes, right when i went out to pick up some highly recommended but pretty disappointing lebanese food. i’ve tried three of the lebanese joints around here … one is quite fantastic (serop’s) and over priced. another is horrid (roman cafe … what they call falafel is not falafel) and overpriced. the third (atcha, the one i tried tonight) was ok i guess, but rather dry and uninspired. the baklava was decent, though. at least it was dirt cheap. i’ll really miss falafel world or whatever that shithole place across from CSUN on plummer was called. best middle eastern food i’ve ever had (with the possible exception of that place on 16th st. in s.f. that i ate at so many times that one day i just simply had enough and could never eat there again.)
my email must have eaten cheese for lunch as no new messages are coming through. which is a shame, since i really wanted to post more rain photos and the runner up to the baba booey song parody contest. something to look forward to …
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6 responses so far ↓
AMEN! to hot showers and poison ivy –so satisfying it’s almost enough to want poison ivy again.
- jen (old friend of Scott and Nancy; they love your blog and passed it along)
hey jen … i remember you. how are you? sorry to hear you’ve been touched by the crippling power of urushoil. those hot showers, though … dear god they’re fine. it’s so fucking humid down here. i don’t think people realize who haven’t been here before. it’s literally so nice to be naked in august in the deep south … especially with the itchy rash. for the last seven days, as soon as i come home from the outside world i strip down naked, take a hot shower, and lie around treating myself for several hours. this would be a bad time to have a roomate. it’s weird enough with the dog.
I’m too shy to divulge much on someone else’s blog, but living in Austin, I can assure you that I have a keen understanding of your new found intimacy with humidity.
venetian blinds … just remember to keep them closed! i don’t mind, but my poor neighbors …
this does work. It does hurt. Life does go on. We have poison ivy in Maryland too. I got laid off, any work down your way for hillbilly carpenters?
first of all, is billy boy jay casselman? he’s the only hillbilly i know in maryland. who are you, please? there’s plenty of work down here for hillbilly carpenters, especially after the hurricane. could make a lot of scratch with a chainsaw and a come along these days. reveal yourself, please!