the home run derby is a fucking sham. i’m thinking of writing a strongly worded letter … actually, i am writing a strongly worded letter right here, right now, but i’m not sure it’ll ever find its way to the right hands. bud selig, if you ever read this, you’re a jackass.
the problem is that the all-star game’s home run derby has a totally illogical rules system and they sucked the life out of what was shaping up to be a compelling athletic competition this evening. to make a long story short, josh hamilton hit 28 home runs in the first round. 24 was the previous record. 500 foot moon shot after 500 foot moon shot. beating the living shit out of the baseball. he flew his 71 year old high school batting practice pitcher in to pitch to him. it was amazing … a truly beautiful moment.
after the first round, josh hamilton had 28, the next two guys had 8 a piece. game fucking over. place is going nuts, let’s all go to the bar and get drunk and marvel at the genius of what we just witnessed.
but oh no …
baseball, i.e. big time sports, i.e. capitalist swines of the highest order, have to drag the fucking contest out to damn near three hours, one can only assume, to ring every possible drop of advertising dollar out of the television time slot.
so after round one, it’s josh hamilton 28, two other guys, 8 a piece. enter round two. in round two, the total home runs you hit in round one are carried over. so if you hit 28 home runs in round one and the two guys tied for second hit 8 a piece, that’s the score going into round two. josh hamilton was still winning after round two and he didn’t even have to hit. based on his total in round one, he was still kicking ass. but he hit a few out nonetheless to give the fans a bit more of a show and, presumably, to stay loose.
here’s where it just gets dumb. in round three they wipe the slate clean. everyone is at zero. two guys are left, josh hamilton and another guy (whose name will not be honored here, not because he did anything wrong, but because he is obviously not the home run derby winner). the other guy wins 6 to 4 or some shit in the final round and wins the contest. josh hamilton hit 13 more home runs total and was probably a little worn out by the time he got to the third round because, oh i don’t know, maybe it’s because he hit 28 fucking MOON SHOTS in round one! the fix is in people! the fix is in!
if i would have won that award, i would have done the honorable thing and grabbed the mike during the presentation ceremony and said ‘josh hamilton can come pick this puppy up right now because he’s a bad mother fucker and i obviously don’t deserve it.’ if i had endorsements i was afraid of losing with such behavior, i would have toned it down a bit and just pissed on the trophy and then taken a dump on home plate.
fuck all y’all. the fix is in.
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i spent hours today staring at the laptop trying to understand the ins/outs of this web site/blog. doesn’t look like i did much, but i am figuring stuff out – slowly. i gotta chill out tomorrow. do something a bit less neurotic. i think the basic functionality of the new site is almost there at this point. everything else will be uncharted territory of crazy ideas i have little idea of how to do (but i know more than i did yesterday).
Tags: baseball2 Comments
2 responses so far ↓
How ’bout it? Josh Hamilton mashed some shit.
And as Sarah just asked a few minutes ago, “So josh Hamilton didn’t win last night?” I don’t know why she would think that.
Although fux still managed to fit more commercials before the game than espn all last night
And Joe Buck & Tim McCarver can jerk Pujols all the way to STL….
Big Z just picked Milton Bradley off of first
Go Cubs
that was a HELL of an all-star game, though. when was the last time you could say that? national league still found a way to blow it. dan uggla should have to walk back to florida.