i’m rooting for kobe over this douche bag from here on out.
there, i said it.
i’ve never been that enamored by lebron. yeah, he’s amazing, and he’s always seemed (been marketed as, it turns out) a stand up guy.
but this fiasco of the last week is the douchiest thing i have ever seen in all my days of following sports.
a recap:
1. the guy quit on the cavs in the playoffs. game 5 was shameful. this guy thinks he’s a superstar … jordan/bird/magic/barkley/kobe would never … ever … have laid down like that in the playoffs.
shameful.
2. the day he became a free agent, he did an hour long special with larry king at his house to say, larry, i’m a free agent. yeah, we know that. douche.
3. he’s from ohio. they love him there. love him. he gutted that town for the next two decades, at least. it may never recover.
4. even if it is his right to do what he wants, you don’t organize a prime time tv special to kick cleveland in the nuts when they’re down. punk ass bitch move. if you’re gonna leave, leave. don’t throw a party for yourself. douche.
5. let’s not forget, this guy has never won anything. anything. ok, the 2008 olympic gold medal. sure. ok. but i could have started at small forward on that team and they would have won a gold medal. we’re really good at basketball over here. and kobe did all the heavy lifting in those games anyway. and i hate kobe, keep in mind.
***
and now a letter from cav’s owner dan gilbert, my new hero:
Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.
This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.
You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:
“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”
You can take it to the bank.
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.
Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.
This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.
But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.
The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.
Just watch.
Sleep well, Cleveland.
Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….
I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….
Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers
***
go get ‘em cleveland. i’ll be rooting for you.
and lebron, you’re a world class punk ass bitch douche.
and the next person i see who compares you to jordan i’m punching in the face.
***
in other news, our golden state warriors landed david lee from the knicks. probably a horrible trade, but time will tell.
Tags: 5 Comments
5 responses so far ↓
First, there are two, and only two, things to say in LeBron’s defense.
He is 25.
He has a penis.
I am certainly not trying to disrespect the beautiful, corn-fed women of the Midwest.
I get to spend the rest of my life with one.
But during basketball season she has to wear a lot of clothing. It’s cold in Illinois and Ohio, very cold, when the ladies of South Beach are still sporting swimsuits.
I’m not saying LeBron is shallow (LeBron appears to be very shallow), but do you really think he went there so he could look at Pat Riley’s leathery face all the time? Perhaps his signature, but not his face.
DWade: “Dude, there is so much…”
LeBron: “It’s 25 degrees, I haven’t seen a woman’s forearm in three months.”
And so on.
Maybe I’m a pervert. Maybe I’m a man with ten more years on his tires than LeBron. Maybe I know what he’s thinking every time he says “I just want to be happy.’”
Secondly, please don’t root for Kobe. He’s still a prick. Look to your original homeland.
D-Ro.
Jo-ah.
The Boooooooooz.
Finally, Dan The Real Man, also the owner of the company that makes those annoying Fat Heads, has slashed the the price of LeBron’s in Cavs gear, to $17.41.
Benedict Arnold was born in 1741.
I have a feeling Dan is just getting started.
Not sure what this mean but it looks like more Matador tix will be released tomorrow – http://www.ticketfly.com/tickets/venue-details/?tfly_org_id=195
Holy wow… Hear, hear, Kevin Casper!! I seem to have fallen a bit in love with you!! Not in a creepy way, moreso a way of I totally agree and couldn’t have said it better! One addendum: The image of master douchebag attending a Tribe game against the Yankees and wearing a dirty fuckin’ Yankees hat pained me, yet I forgave him. But quite an initial show of disrepect several years ago. He should have been slapped upside the head while growing up for not having been loyal to his hometown, and teams, way back then. I spent years thinking his relationship with his mum was very sweet but have recently been informed that she was a dirty crackwhore and he was raised by his school basketball coach for some time. Go figure… A dirty crackwhore creates a world class punk ass bitch douche! I suspect when the Heat plays in Cleveland the boos will be deafening but I dream no Clevelander pays for a ticket or attends the game. Talk about a golden silence! And I instantly became a lifelong fan of Dan Gilbert. I fervently hope you don’t find yourself cheering for Kobe, he’ll always be icky!
1. hooch, you are right about this all being about money and pussy. d-wade gives this press conference about it all being about ‘winning’ and ‘family.’ chicago has a better lineup than the heat … by far … and d-wade’s kids live IN CHICAGO. if it’s about family and winning … well, anyway. it ain’t. it’s about south beach. and money. and pussy.
which i’m fine with. if i were 25 and a millionaire, i’d be making a lot of decisions based on pussy, too. i’m not above it presently, in fact. but just don’t act like it’s not about money and pussy. just say, ‘well, i love it down here, i’m swimming in pussy, i’m cashing checks, and if we win it, we win it. life is incredible. and fuck all y’all’s broke asses …’
2. thanks, kd. i’ll roll the dice again today.
3. laura, who are you? which laura? there are so many lauras … help a brother out.
Hey hi! Dunno each other. I am a Clevelander who’s been living in Montana for some time. I googled fuck lebron, thinking it would entertain me a bit, and was pleasantly surprised to find the number of articles, stories, and threads available! I read all sorts but just dug your’s immensely so had to comment. Thanks bunches for what you wrote!